Reading Project 2018 – How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk #5

I came across this title via watching a video about marketing libraries. The speaker on that video was Ned Potter who was talking about listening to your customers when planning a marketing campaign. He side-tracked and mentioned a book called “How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It was timely because I was being challenged by my 9 year old’s non-listening behaviour. So I immediately checked my library catalogue and lo and behold – they had a copy!

I am so glad to have read this book. It contains so many parenting/positive human skills that I still have to muster. And I recommend any parents to read this and practice the suggestions that are in there. I’ve tried practicing some of these parenting techniques and I must say it’s easier said than done. Sometimes it depends on the child and sometimes it depends on how ingrained some behaviours are.

So here’s a brief outline of what you might find in this valuable book:

  • Helping children deal with their feelings (a valuable chapter in my opinion because this is something that I lack when I interact and relate with my child)
  • Engaging cooperation (some cool ways to make your child cooperate effectively like describing what you see or the problem; giving information; saying it with a word; talk about your feelings; and writing a note!
  • Alternatives to punishment (express your feelings strongly without attacking; state your expectations; show the child how to make amends; offer a choice; take action)
  • Encourage autonomy (let children make choices; show respect for a child’s struggle; don’t ask too many questions; don’t rush to answer questions; encourage children to use sources outside the home; don’t take away hope)
  • Praise (by describing! read the book to find out more)
  • Freeing children from playing roles (look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself or herself; put children in situations where they can see themselves differently; let children overhear you say something positive about them; model the behaviour you’d like to see; be a storehouse for your child’s special moments; when your child behaves according to the old label, state your feelings and/or expectations)


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